The Angry Rant: Really Real Reality
Tim Seigfried
Issue date: 4/6/08 Section: Opinion
Seven years ago, a show by the name of Pop Idol debuted in the United Kingdom, and after some considerable success, it was quickly exported over The Pond, where it was then called American Idol. The show, for those who have been living under a rock, is a singing talent competition for which average, every day people can audition in hopes of taking home the big prize of fame and a record contract.
The show caught fire here, and has since been a perennial ratings monster. It has consistently pumped out a stream of stars over the years, and even the audition episodes are funnier than most "comedies" these days (Wait, you mean to tell me that Owen Wilson plays a bodyguard to a group of nerds? This is the best thing to happen to American comedy since Abrahams and the Zuckers!).
But I can't help but feel offended by the decision to have this year's contestants sing songs written by Paul McCartney and John Lennon for two weeks in a row. Granted, these are two of the best songwriters in the history of modern music, and they were the foundation of one of the greatest bands of our time, but was it really necessary to have their songs mangled for two weeks? Was it not painful enough to hear Kristy Lee Cook sing "Eight Days a Week" as a country song? I can't be alone in this. There has to be some sort of rule issued to prevent this from happening again, and not just with respect to The Beatles. I'm talking about The Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Queen, The Who and Led Zeppelin.
These are some of the greatest musical acts of all-time, and they deserve far more than to be on some glorified karaoke contest. Their albums still hold up after more than three decades, and they run circles around "artists" like Miley Cyrus, Daughtry and Buckcherry. Pick up a copy of Led Zeppelin IV or Abbey Road and just listen. What are you listening to? Great Music. Not some tracks that were thrown together in a studio by some producer who thinks he knows what a hit sounds like. American Idol has no business ruining classic songs at the expense of precious ratings.
Here's a novel idea: ruin songs that are already terrible! Anything from Maroon 5's catalog is sufficient. Or Green Day. Or Matchbox 20. Or Madonna. Yes, I don't care for her. She sucks. She hasn't been relevant since the early 90s. Also, did you hear her rendition of "American Pie"? Way to ruin an American Classic, Madge. While you're at it, why not ruin baseball and apple pies? Believe me, I'm sure you can find a way. Buy the Yankees and re-name them "The Madge-Eyes" and start a campaign to add cherry tomatoes and raisins to apple pies nationwide. You've already started the annoying trend of celebrity "religions," so maybe you and Dane Cook could join forces to create some sort of super-annoying cult of completely talentless people.
Okay, back to the rant.
My point is, just stay away from the classic music, because there will be, I swear to God, retribution if any of those punks ruins "Stairway to Heaven."
Speaking of American Idol, the sad truth is that reality shows are still (unfortunately) popular. Over the course of the last decade, the reality show, as we know it, has simultaneously been one of the most innovative, yet mind-numbingly repetitive staples of primetime television. While the genre has been around for quite some time, it didn't become the monster hit until Survivor aired in 2000. Since then, we've all been treated to a steady stream of bad knock-offs, which are hitting new lows, with more and more spawning every single day. If it's not a contest to see who can win the heart of a wealthy oil baron, it's probably about showbiz moms and their undeniable passion to turn their daughters into head cases with eating disorders. The biggest purveyor of these crimes against humanity is the sub-genre that is the "reality dating show," which has somehow managed to survive, despite such blows to its usually classy and critically acclaimed track record (note the sarcasm). With a resume that includes such winners as Flavor of Love, I Love New York, Paradise Hotel, and Sex With Random Strangers on Camera For Limited Fame and a Guest Spot on Blind Date (that last one is made up, but you really thought it was a show for a second, didn't you?) at the end of the day, our society is going to look back on this era and shake its head at the parade of gold-digging harpies and bleach blonde sex-pots who do nothing more than drink, fight, and say things like "I'm the classiest [insert derogatory female euphemism] in this entire house!"
Ah, reality. If only I could meet a girl like that.
The show caught fire here, and has since been a perennial ratings monster. It has consistently pumped out a stream of stars over the years, and even the audition episodes are funnier than most "comedies" these days (Wait, you mean to tell me that Owen Wilson plays a bodyguard to a group of nerds? This is the best thing to happen to American comedy since Abrahams and the Zuckers!).
But I can't help but feel offended by the decision to have this year's contestants sing songs written by Paul McCartney and John Lennon for two weeks in a row. Granted, these are two of the best songwriters in the history of modern music, and they were the foundation of one of the greatest bands of our time, but was it really necessary to have their songs mangled for two weeks? Was it not painful enough to hear Kristy Lee Cook sing "Eight Days a Week" as a country song? I can't be alone in this. There has to be some sort of rule issued to prevent this from happening again, and not just with respect to The Beatles. I'm talking about The Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Queen, The Who and Led Zeppelin.
These are some of the greatest musical acts of all-time, and they deserve far more than to be on some glorified karaoke contest. Their albums still hold up after more than three decades, and they run circles around "artists" like Miley Cyrus, Daughtry and Buckcherry. Pick up a copy of Led Zeppelin IV or Abbey Road and just listen. What are you listening to? Great Music. Not some tracks that were thrown together in a studio by some producer who thinks he knows what a hit sounds like. American Idol has no business ruining classic songs at the expense of precious ratings.
Here's a novel idea: ruin songs that are already terrible! Anything from Maroon 5's catalog is sufficient. Or Green Day. Or Matchbox 20. Or Madonna. Yes, I don't care for her. She sucks. She hasn't been relevant since the early 90s. Also, did you hear her rendition of "American Pie"? Way to ruin an American Classic, Madge. While you're at it, why not ruin baseball and apple pies? Believe me, I'm sure you can find a way. Buy the Yankees and re-name them "The Madge-Eyes" and start a campaign to add cherry tomatoes and raisins to apple pies nationwide. You've already started the annoying trend of celebrity "religions," so maybe you and Dane Cook could join forces to create some sort of super-annoying cult of completely talentless people.
Okay, back to the rant.
My point is, just stay away from the classic music, because there will be, I swear to God, retribution if any of those punks ruins "Stairway to Heaven."
Speaking of American Idol, the sad truth is that reality shows are still (unfortunately) popular. Over the course of the last decade, the reality show, as we know it, has simultaneously been one of the most innovative, yet mind-numbingly repetitive staples of primetime television. While the genre has been around for quite some time, it didn't become the monster hit until Survivor aired in 2000. Since then, we've all been treated to a steady stream of bad knock-offs, which are hitting new lows, with more and more spawning every single day. If it's not a contest to see who can win the heart of a wealthy oil baron, it's probably about showbiz moms and their undeniable passion to turn their daughters into head cases with eating disorders. The biggest purveyor of these crimes against humanity is the sub-genre that is the "reality dating show," which has somehow managed to survive, despite such blows to its usually classy and critically acclaimed track record (note the sarcasm). With a resume that includes such winners as Flavor of Love, I Love New York, Paradise Hotel, and Sex With Random Strangers on Camera For Limited Fame and a Guest Spot on Blind Date (that last one is made up, but you really thought it was a show for a second, didn't you?) at the end of the day, our society is going to look back on this era and shake its head at the parade of gold-digging harpies and bleach blonde sex-pots who do nothing more than drink, fight, and say things like "I'm the classiest [insert derogatory female euphemism] in this entire house!"
Ah, reality. If only I could meet a girl like that.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
hardcandy
posted 4/07/08 @ 5:51 PM EST
Madonna not relevant since the early 1990s? Do your research and don't speak about things you clearly know little about so you can avoid embarrassing yourself. (Continued…)
Jake Adams
posted 4/08/08 @ 12:20 AM EST
OMG! I think this has to be the funniest thing I've read in a long time! Not the article but the comment. To think that someone would go by the name of "hardcandy" and would follow Madonna that closely. (Continued…)
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